Exsistence

I would like to rewrite my own interpretation of the seven ages of man; the stages of life and what we do in them..or a more comprehensive timeline of explanation in the events of. I am seeking in futile attempt to find justification for the rationale of human actions. I mean, there must be an order or code! You see, I find too much gray in the areas that should be black and white. That must be my question here. What is right, what is wrong? Is there true meaning, or is everything just an imbodiment of satire? --If in satire you need no moral lesson, no didactic purpose? For it is said.."the essence of satire is aggression or criticism, and criticism (previous to the area of existentialistic inhilisism) has always implied a systematic measure of good and bad." These are mere outlines of thought in which I am speaking, obviously. These questions have already been asked. Now I must dig deeper into the roots of the question. Well, this could most definitely be a writing in continual progress.
Whoa, I am really beginning to frighten myself. Why are these questions popping into my mind. I have very little knowledge of the study of philosophy. I only go by my own life experience. I wrote down those words above but prior did not know their meaning. The ideas have been in my head for a while now but now the words that belong to them are moving in like a supernatural force. I looked up the definition of nehilism: Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy. While few philosophers would claim to be nihilists, nihilism is most often associated with Friedrich Nietzsche who argued that its corrosive effects would eventually destroy all moral, religious, and metaphysical convictions and precipitate the greatest crisis in human history. In the 20th century, nihilistic themes--epistemological failure, value destruction, and cosmic purposelessness--have preoccupied artists, social critics, and philosophers. Mid-century, for example, the existentialists helped popularize tenets of nihilism in their attempts to blunt its destructive potential. By the end of the century, existential despair as a response to nihilism gave way to an attitude of indifference, often associated with antifoundationalism.
Well, that sounds awful..why would I explore such ideas? Well, I know what I have tried in the past, and I know what has not worked for me. What doesn't add up. The greater part of me would like to be oblivious but something is pulling me. There are questions and I want the answers. Maybe at the end I will find that the God I used to have faith in is the God afterall. Am I being foolish when I think that I will find my own answers? In the Bible it says, there is a way that seems right to man but it's end is death. But my search is in a humble manner. I don't think I know any answers, I only know the nagging questions deep in my subconscience that wants to draw the lines together. Every piece of existence, every moment of life a line in the center that is vivid and draws out all confusion. I think that's it.. The truth..a place where all certainty lies..where there are no lies, where there is peace in all matter. There are no questions of why this and why that?? Perhaps it is in the center of the circle. Maybe in the center of the circle one can find every bitter piece of existence to be.. okay-- because you can see everything for what it really is..
My end conclusion for now: after doing an outline on philosophical studies I quickly came to realize that it was not worth the energy and time to dig any deeper..for there is no end conclusion in the matter--so what's the point? Therefore I will keep my heart open, my mind clear, grow, learn and do my very best and life will happen as it may. Peace out.